Promise You

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I Miss You-Blink 182

(I miss you, miss you)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
[x3]

(I miss you, I miss you) [x4]

Thursday, May 13, 2010

well, i've been thinking.

if i had to create an image so beautiful, i would draw you.

life is a path with pebbles and rocks. and you are the mountain in it. so huge that the path of my life bends and twists with you, for you.

to be honest, i never regretted meeting you.

went through alot, yeah. alot alot.

one traveled in it, stayed in it, got lost in it, hurt by it, found myself in it, lived by it, found comfort in it.

and there came the day i had to move on from it. like how the mountain stays there but life keeps pushing us forward, and further away from it. i resisted, i refused to move on. but no matter what i tried i could not get back to it. cried and screamed. cried and screamed. cried and screamed. i felt empty without it, like a mountain kid in a desert. i felt like i lost myself inside there, and i was all mountain. hurts. this past blocked my view of the future, dulled my sense of the present, and took up all of my past. when you define yourself by something and then it is all taken away. you lose your own definition too.

i believed, if i tried to stay in control, if i told myself to watch my limits, maybe my path would twist and i would get back to the mountain. and i tried. and the path twisted back, twisted near, but i never never reached the mountain. and that choice hurt even more because i could see it but not live in it, hear it but not feel it. and i chose this pain and ache. i would rather see and hear this mountain, than to never see it again. even if it tore me up, even if it bent me till i broke, i didnt care how much my path twisted as long as i could reach the mountain again. i didnt care. i was happy, i was sad, i pretended to be happy, i tried not to be sad. i tried to look beyond myself, said this is enough for me.

but our lives change and change. "the old are deleted and the new are added, and those that refuse to be deleted, are at best only tolerated". i was tolerated.

until the day when i saw others living on the mountain, and the mountain living with them, then did i realise how far and distant i was. i lost myself in a place where i did not exist. and that hurt alot alot. that knowledge hurt alot. and i tripped and i fell and i cried and i passed out and i cried summore. and that was the day a part of me was lost.

everytime i leave you, i lose abit more of myself. you may not understand this. like the day when i had a "holiday" back into the mountain. you would not understand the pure happiness i had, felt on that day. and as i stared at you, wanted to drink you into my soul. drink you in, how do i do that ? grab hold of the seconds, minutes, hours. but i couldnt. no matter how much i focused and tried. i couldnt. and when night came and my time was up, how did i feel ? its crazy. i was the happiest in a moment and when i had to leave, i died inside. i lost so much of myself, i din know what was left. the eyes are the windows to the soul. and my eyes were so dulled. so much so its crazy.

and i told the mountain, i am going to leave you for good.

i was lying.

lying to you, lying to myself.

hiding from you, hiding from myself.

its so hard to pull away from you. so hard that i refused.

but life drags us forward, even as i look back now.

and im learning to put you behind.

and at the end of the day, its only memories that are left. memories that fade over time, scars that serve as a beautiful reminder of what that existed.

and if i could live my life again, i would still choose to climb this mountain.

you, this far away mountain.

the day i stopped drawing angel wings, i swore i would stop relying on you for strength.

you, i have to thank you for alot of things.

thank you, dear friend.

ForMeThere'sOnlyYou
7:36 PM