Promise You

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I Miss You-Blink 182

(I miss you, miss you)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
[x3]

(I miss you, I miss you) [x4]

Sunday, September 16, 2007

hello. its 7:35am now. din sleep last night.

you know, they say you tend to try to get the love you find the hardest to get(mitch albom). maybe its true. at least for me. i'm looking for care from a friend. i've lost a friend. and i'm looking for her now. remember you once helped me look for a blog skin, and there was one you showed me, with a person looking for a heart, and there was a heart hiding behind a tree? when we had a heart, we took it for granted. when we lost it, we look high and low for it. when i had your protection, your care, i took it for granted. i lamented about other problems i have. i cried about losing other people. i cried to you. and you listened. and you comforted. and once you cried for me.

i was really touched. that night. i was telling you about the problem. and then suddenly you sounded different. and i asked "what happened?" and i realised you were crying. and you made me feel like crying too. i almost did. that made me feel really bolstered though. made me glad i had you to share my problems. and i told you i'd be okay, not to worry about me. i told you everything's fine. and we both laughed. hahas..and almost every night we would talk. talk in code. talk about laws in countries. talked about relationships. talked about us. talked about what we would do when we grow up. i miss you.

remember on my birthday, you called me to wish me happy birthday. how to describe the feelings i had at that time? i was glad to hear your voice, happy that you remembered my birthday, sad about the promise between us that was never fufiled. i was sad that we were like this. and i din know what to say. i was like clenching my jaw while i looked out of the window, wishing we could turn back time, wishing all those things never happened. wishing i had been a better friend. and after that you told me i sounded constipated. hahas. maybe coz i din really know what to say with those mixed feelings i had. there was so much i wanted to express without words. and in that phone call. i wished you could understand how i felt.

i'm sorry i can't protect you now. i'm sorry i can't support you during this period. you really gotta take care of yourself..those nights you slept so late..slept so little, to study. you gotta rest more..i don't want you to fall sick at this period. try to relax alittle..and that night i couldn't sleep until you did.

the next morning i woke up. and i thought about you. so i read my saved smses. "once dearest..." hais..and i cried again. i can't move on without you. i really can't...

don't worry...you're not hurting me..you're teaching me to be a better person, a more independent person, a stronger person. i'm really okay like this..=) i will still be happy de.

the day you lost faith in me. the day you took away your care for me. "some things, once lost can never be reverted" is that true? are these really lost? can i turn back time, back to when i was happiest with you? i dunno..the answer's in you bah.

i'm sorry i'm so foolish. i'm sorry..i'm sorry i'm not letting go after so long. i cant..if i do, i'll lose hope in everything i once had. "dont be so stupid anymore" i'm following my heart, my dear friend. i'm just doing what i feel the safest in. even if it means continously running into a dead end in a maze. i'm wishing one day the maze'll let me through that wall. and lead me to freedom. call me stupid, but don't leave me hopeless.

you're a really good friend you know? if one day we really part for good, i hope you have a good life. i hope you find someone who cares for you more than i do. who can treasure you more than i do. coz you deserve to have a good life. i hope you find a friend that you'll never have to share with another person. and..i'm sure i'll be happy too.

remember johnny angel? i read it again the other day. i find it really ironic. in the book, there were so many things, that i felt like saying to you now. did you get some premonition, last year, which made you decide to buy that book for me, knowing that i'll need it the day you left?

you know me. you know what i am inside. you know my style of writing. you know my way of talking. you'll probably understand everything in this post.

if you ever read this, (which you probably will), dont be sad k..you're not hurting me..i'm just letting out my feelings in words. and i'm feeling alot better after this, though it took me 45 mins to type this post. i have a gift in expressing how i feel in words bah..you know, i'll support you in what you choose, what you do.

you know, maybe the reason i din sign in your autograph card, is that i'm afraid i'll write this much and that card won't have enough space no matter how small i reduce my handwriting to. hahas. mm..if i gave you my autograph card to sign, what would you do? mm..i think you'll probably write a something like "I HATE YOU. GO HANG URSELF AND JUMP INTO THE RIVER WHILE SHOOTING YOURSELF WITH A GUN AND SWALLOW SOME POISON WHILE YOU'RE AT IT. ITS BETTER THIS WAY." nah just joking. lol. maybe something like " jiayou for Os ! x,xx,xxx xxx,x xxxxx xx xxx xxx xx. takkaire ! :D" (let x = anything). truth is, i think you'll be stumped at what to write. some things can't be expressed in words alone bah. some words are not heard. they're felt. lalala.

i'll be happy even if you leave things the way it is now. coz that's what you want me to be. the torch'll be hanging on my phone. it'll remain there until the day i forget you. if the battery runs out, i'll buy new ones. some things are just so hard to let go. esp if they're so great.

when people leave, they leave a scar.
when you left, you left a hole.
scars can heal.
but this hole,
there's only one thing that can fill it up.
and for as long as i have this hole in me,
my shadow'll be a shade lighter.
and my smile'll be alittle weaker.

ForMeThere'sOnlyYou
7:31 AM